It’s 9:33pm and there is thumping and laughing still coming from the twins’ bedroom. They’ve been in bed since 8pm.
I head up the stairs for the third time ready to lay down the law, but as I get closer I can hear them singing “twinkle, twinkle little star” with full emotion. I open the door as L is mid-bounce on his bed, W shoots me a look and drops to her knees. I see the curtains are wide open and their bedding is on the floor.
I ask what they are doing. They tilt their heads, tell me that they are (obviously) singing and finish “how I wonder what you are” without missing a beat.
They are still 100% honest with me, they don’t know the power of a lie yet.
It’s been a difficult few weeks, the twins are experiencing big emotions and meltdowns as they fight for independence so this simple moment is refreshing and I can’t help but smile. W sees my smile and says “my vagina hurts, I have to go pee”. She is clever, thoughtful, witty, sensitive and stubborn so I know that this is a tactic to stay up but you can’t call a bathroom bluff. She bops out of bed and heads for the bathroom as L rolls off off his bed and shouts “my vagina hurts too, I have to go pee too” He is quick, playful, sensible, curious and cuddly. I smile again and he catches himself, tosses his head back and says ” not my vagina, my PENIS” as he grabs his penis to show me (in case I forgot). He laughs and runs past me following his sister into the bathroom. I follow them in and say “okay, let’s go pee”.
Of course neither of them has to go.
But W still goes through the motions showing me what a big girl she is – she doesn’t need my help getting on the toilet, she doesn’t need my help sitting down, she doesn’t need my help getting toilet paper, she doesn’t need my help… … … but she would like me to carry her back to bed and can I carry L too?
No – get back into bed.
I tuck them in, L likes to be wrapped tight like a mummy, he wants the wool blanket even though his room is sweltering. “Tuck me in please, tuck my puppies in, tuck my feet in”
She asks that I stay “just a little bit… a big big BIG little bit”
No – it’s time to go to sleep.
They give me hugs and kisses, tell me that they love me, ask if I remember seeing the ambulance earlier in the day and that they hope they will see another one tomorrow. I say “ok you guys, good night, I love you”
L says “why”.
Because you’re the best
Because you are
I always thought these would be the most frustrating moments of parenthood – the push back at mealtime, bedtime, meltdowns in the grocery store, etc … but so far it’s the little things that build and build and build until I am losing my shit and yelling something like: “WELL I CAN’T PUT THE GRAPES BACK ON THE VINE SO YOU’LL HAVE TO JUST EAT THEM LIKE THIS!” It’s the craziest thing I’ve ever done. I spend my days negotiating with raw emotion, limited reasoning and mass confusion and when a small moment like this presents itself all I can think is: MORE PLEASE.